Support Bubble
“My safe place. My home, my life, my creature comforts. My wife & pets. Everything I love under one roof. Outside of my support bubble the world burns”- ExP 2023
Purchase on
Stream on
Lyrics
Nobody’s got money for music
Everybody’s got money for weed
Everybody’s got money for 5 quid pints
Nobody’s got money for me
Nobody’s got money for music
Everybody’s got money for weed
Everybody’s got money for 5 quid pints
Nobody’s got money for me
Yo, I got 5K from Kickstarter. Thanks for that
And 5K turns to 4K fast as crap
Then add to that the fact that suppliers were flaky
As pastry and 4K’s eaten at great speed
Charged a tenner for exclusive shirts and shit
Printers took ages and charged me thirty quid
What have I learnt from this?
You will get burnt from this
There’s no money in rap verses kids
You might be the one in a million that blows up
How many successes then end up with no luck?
You’re stuck
You gotta have a contingency
Cos ain’t no such thing as an industry
Just a who-shook-whose-hand-and-who-remembers-shaking-it
What is it you’re trying to make when you say you’re making it?
Well for me I just wanted to cut even
While at the same time having creative freedom
I know a few musicians, most would not survive
If music had to be their job for life
And we’ve seen what happened when the music stopped playing
The government said, “your option is to retrain”
Cos nobody’s got money for music
Everybody’s got money for weed
Everybody’s got money for 5 quid pints
Nobody’s got money for me
Nobody’s got money for music
Everybody’s got money for weed
Everybody’s got money for 5 quid pints
Nobody’s got money for me
Merch buying listeners are Gods to me
Cos online streaming is robbery
You can do some decent cash with lots of streams
But listeners drop from millions to none in weeks
And then what do you do? Advertise?
Give Zuckerburg an Asda carrier bag of fives
To show your tracks on them time-bastard-lines
If they stop chatting enough to click that they “like”
I’m aware of my stats and they’re crap
We all wanna be Prodigy or Massive Attack
Solid body of work and our class intact
Not some unknown random act
But as for that, what are my choices? I should be happy with my little bit
I was privileged enough to have the time to finish this
Some people can barely fit in a shit
Between getting up, working and feeding their kids
But nobody’s got money for music
Everybody’s got money for weed
Everybody’s got money for 5 quid pints
Nobody’s got money for me
Nobody’s got money for music
Everybody’s got money for weed
Everybody’s got money for 5 quid pints
Nobody’s got money for me
I give it Mr Mr Mr Ow Much then pay for a haircut
And spend more on that than buying my mate’s stuff
Breathing in through my teeth at records over twenty bish
Then buying a takeaway that never sees the fridge
Never touched the sides, strange what I decide
Isn’t worth a tenner and what isn’t worth a five
Try buy local, not from massive lizards
The socialist with a Samsung, Amazon visits
Hypocrite lyricist trying to do correct
Anarchist with an admin list that I need to check
Still got this to do, still got that to do
Bills and tax to do, killed my attitude
Still the rap’s for you…and a bit for me
No point competing in the little leagues
Made 19K from my music in three years
Spent 18K on my music in three years
Trying to balance the books, but the rapping is just
Not a hobby, that’s too noddy, but I have to be blunt
If I relied on my music for feed
I wouldn’t just be hungry to succeed
I’d be famished for actual nourishment
Government’s no encouragement
Art stays undiscovered
Unless you’re good at sucking up
So I’ll just keep working in a job that’s not related
If you bother buying it, believe that I’m elated
But nobody’s got money for music
Everybody’s got money for weed
Everybody’s got money for 5 quid pints
Nobody’s got money for me
Nobody’s got money for music
Everybody’s got money for weed
Everybody’s got money for 5 quid pints
Nobody’s got money for me
I got dumped by my DJ
He said he didn’t wanna work with me no more
I got dumped by my DJ
Cos I worked with someone else on a tiny tour
I got dumped by my DJ
But everything was cool between us, so I thought
I got dumped by my DJ
Then he said I was a liar I don’t know what for
What’s the best thing to say?
I got a queue of dudes who, if you mentioned my name, would get in a rage
And…it was never my way
To leave people worse after meeting me than when they had came
But I’ve got a track history of pissing people off
And when I look at what the reasons were I’m nearly always lost
Either what I was supposed to have did, or I don’t know what I did
Resulted in me losing friends I was close to a bit
The first I touched on in The Negativity
An MC I was friends with, even lived with me
Was sick and we chilled regularly, both rappers intending to live the dream
Once he drove up from London on my birthday just to visit me
Out of nowhere we stopped talking it was a mystery
Saw him in the week, gave me dirty looks and didn’t speak
And then I saw him later in a pub with his lass
Went over and shook his hand, said, “what’s up with this crap?”
He said we’d speak later…but we never did
And still to this day I scratch my head wondering what the hell I did
Was it a T&A article incorrectly credited
That might have been the reason that he went and chipped?
There was some lass he was seeing he thought I liked, but never did
He even left her so I could get her, to no-one’s benefit
Years later still wondering how I lost a friend like him
But he was just the first of many with their knickers in a twist
I got dumped by my DJ
He said he didn’t wanna work with me no more
I got dumped by my DJ
Cos I worked with someone else on a tiny tour
I got dumped by my DJ
But everything was cool between us, so I thought
I got dumped by my DJ
Then he said I was a liar I don’t know what for
The next is a guy who still haunts me to this day
You appreciate I’ve gotta be careful with what I say
Cos if I said his name I would basically be setting bait
And he’s been blocked since 2013 and it’s been great
Cos last we spoke…he needed sectioning
But when I first internet met the kid, he was sick
Seemed cool, made dope beats, was very enthusiastic
Very positive in general, and I never knew what madness
Was at the core of this crazy cracker
Gave him the label page on Facebook, he uses it to paint his slander
Calling me out publicly then messaging me privately
Asking for forgiveness for causing this kind of beef
Reminded not to fall for it with voicemails I recorded
Where he threatened to come to Yorkshire and cause shit
And the annoying thing is I know people who like the page
And occasionally I’ll get a message saying, “uh…hey”
“Your old label posted and is calling you such-and-such”
And I’m like, “ah man…now what’s this motherfucker done”
But I’m not petty enough to tell you to unfollow it
Just understand the guy who runs it… is a proper prick
But it’s not as simple as that, cos when I think of it man
He needs a mental exam, and when he’s been for a scan
Maybe someone can medicate his delusional mental state
Cos letting him loose on the internet is a mistake
I got dumped by my DJ
He said he didn’t wanna work with me no more
I got dumped by my DJ
Cos I worked with someone else on a tiny tour
I got dumped by my DJ
But everything was cool between us, so I thought
I got dumped by my DJ
Then he said I was a liar I don’t know what for
So I had the pleasure of knowing a fat, homophobic bigot
Sort of knew him through the local scene and sort of didn’t
Worked together on a group project, solo as well
As far as gigs went…he was very professional
But there’d be moments when you’d notice he wasn’t right in the head
A drunk lass came onto me, I had a wife so I fled
But I said, “I’d never exploit someone in that state”
And he said, “I dunno man…it could have been great”
So that’s creepy for starters, and another thing that made me mad
I had tickets to watch the ballet and he called me a “fag”
And you might laugh, but this underlying intolerance he had
Always made me check if I should even work with this lad
But I did, that is, up until the point of three gigs
When I couldn’t make it work for it to be me and him
Up until then I’d book ‘em, sort transport and mate
All he had to do was turn up, DJ and get paid
But these three, I couldn’t swing it, so I worked with someone else
Told him up front and we had other gigs booked as well
Thought it was all good, but he didn’t like my tone
Got me round his so I could return his microphone
I went to his house, he told me it wasn’t working out
Wanted to “stop working with me”, verbatim from his mouth
So I bounced, and that’s cool, no-one was forcing him to
But he got wind there was a gig to perform as a crew
But he’d made his choice to stop working with me
He literally said he “didn’t want to work with ExP”
And that’s me, so that’s that, but got salty with the group
Called them unprofessional, I said that wouldn’t do
So I sent him an email trying to explain the situation
Offered an olive branch, tried to calm the aggravation
He just called me a liar, don’t know what the lie is
But I had a choice to reply, or write this
I got dumped by my DJ
He said he didn’t wanna work with me no more
I got dumped by my DJ
Cos I worked with someone else on a tiny tour
I got dumped by my DJ
But everything was cool between us, so I thought
I got dumped by my DJ
Then he said I was a liar I don’t know what for
I’ve been trying to learn which bird I heard was singing
And you might think that that’s not cool but who cares
Bird watching’s in my family, my Grandad I never knew
Used to watch and paint them I’ve got some that he drew
My Dad birdwatched to connect with him when he passed
And when I was a kid, do you think I gave a crap?
But then he passed and I see what the fuss is about
Massive thing in the sky is a buzzard no doubt
Red kite: forked tail, hangs in the air
Anything big that aren’t them two it’s probably rare
I obsess over swifts, they land before summer
Each year they come over they’re decreasing in number
Welled up more than once watching them scream at each other
Zipping overhead collecting their fly supper
I’m a sucker for a nuthatch, a sucker for a robin
Love hearing a tawny owl, don’t see them very often
Ange got the bird seed filled to the brim
Got them anti-squirrel feeders cos those guys were going in
And get great spotted woodpeckers
When they attacked our bird box full of blue tits it upset us
Suppose, that’s how nature goes, innit
Once we had a sparrowhawk eating a pigeon
I scared it off by accident, trying to get a picture
Pigeon wasn’t quite dead so I had to kill it
Stamped on its head, at first didn’t quite get it
Worst moments of my life, that’ll make the edit
But good to know there’s birds of prey doing their thing
Hate hearing stories of farmers persecuting them
So many species declining due to habitat disturbance
But British buy more bird food than anyone in Europe
So with a little bit more interest in avian life
We might undo some damage instead of paying the price
Get your RSPB membership and take it for hikes
Get some cheap binoculars, do summat you may even like
People act like it’s friggin’ train spotting
But I genuinely believe hearing bird song is pain stopping
Just listening’s superb, even in the ‘burbs
Rap and ornithology, I’m fine with being a nerd
They’re on tour, getting bread, giving it to birds
I’m in my garden, with some bread, giving it to birds
They’re on tour, getting bread, giving it to birds
I’m in my garden, with some bread, giving it to birds…
Telling jokes like a Dad is a must
Sold my vacuum cos it was just gathering dust
Russell’s a great name for a man in a bush
And at the moment I’m reading an anti-gravity book
And it’s impossible to put down
It’s no small feat but I still set up a shoe shop for’t clowns
Don’t do anything in Velcro though, it’s a total rip
Plus I dont like footie I just watch it for the kicks
But I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed
Ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know
Nothing humerus about the funny bone
Bees have sticky hair cos they use a honeycomb
Got a good joke about construction, but I’m still working on it
Schwepped my missus off her feet when she first had tonic
Think you’re a real rock star but have you heard of comets?
Forgot this comfortable keyboard it’s errrr…gonomic
Proper let down when my office chair broke
They’re grizzly, but I’ve got bear jokes
In denial that I sold pyramid schemes to pharaohs
And I was outstanding in my field as a scarecrow
When Hitler got summat in his eye he could nazi
I stand corrected, I shouldn’ta sat in that seat
Nothing to chauffeur the fact I used to drive a taxi
Da brie everywhere after the explosion at the cheese factory
And that nacho cheese
Get your hands off that mate…it’s nacho cheese
And…how dairy ignore my lactose needs
C Major improvement removing black note keys
To cut a long story short, I went into editing
After finding male choirs…menacing
If a Belgian is phlegmish then give him Benalyn
I’ve never trusted atoms, they make up everything!
I don’t watch soaps and I don’t tell lyes
A guy who wrote knock knock jokes won the No Bell prize
This photon checks into a hotel, right
Did it have any luggage? Nah, it was travelling light
When the mimes went on strike it was a mutiny
People celebrate a monarch’s reign, would jubilee
I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me
Indigenous Americans get Apache beard during puberty
Got tinselitis when I ate a Christmas ornament
A weatherman got into the mafia cos of all the fronts
My school shooting jokes are aimed at a younger audience
I’m watching a live stream of a fly fishing tournament
I’ve haddock up to here with the fish puns
Two thieves stole a calendar, both got six months
If a fox has a cough, give her Vicks, son
Do you have to planet when you make a solar system?
Was beside myself when I found my clone
Got a cold call: they sneezed and put down the phone
This joke went over my head it was about a drone
Flat earthers have got believers all around the globe
In Spring I’m so excited that I wet my plants
That massive circus fire was in tents in fact
Soda pressing when I used to make Pepsi Max
So I quit to make burritos, yo check these wraps
Let me tortilla, yes these days
Village people always ask, “Why MC, ey?”
Well I tell them, I’ll do hip-hop till my hip op
But I won’t get with the times. TikTok.
My nuclear computer’s from a fission chip shop
Do F1 drivers spray under their arms in a pitstop?
Nerds love music and we diss jocks
Scared the birds off the feeder was laughing my tits off
A Yorkshireman shirked work, did he get paid owt?
The first person to shred cheese, what a grate shout
Collapsed on a luggage carousel but slowly came round
And exit signs are on the way out
I can’t take anymore of this bullshit I’m losing it
As soon as it seems to improve then a new thing hits
The future looks as stupid as the present state of foolishness
That you live in, just hooligans or criminals in suits again
Stop YouTubing your truth again cos lies are all that spew from them
Who’s the end user of those millions of views again?
I’m losing friends who need easy answers not the truth
And I think that the world is fucked but at least I’ve got you
Work’s proper blagging my head, it’s doing me in
People saying stuff was my fault, they knew it was him
Still pursue it, if I don’t respond to it they win
Every day’s an anxiety fest, I’m losing my grin
But now I’m in the kitchen, with you and a gin
And that’s doing wonders for me and soothing the sting
You’re the girl of my dreams, that’s the beautiful thing
And the world is fucked but at least I’ve got you
Zombies are outside the door, they’re here for our brains
The streets are all cluttered, with people’s remains
Your head’s in survival mode, keeping us sane
Sharpening the kitchen knives, we’re leaving today
And now they got through a window, you’re killing each one
I’ll grab all of the dogs and then we can run
Cleared a path, hope that no more come
And human kind in the world might be done but at least I’ve got you
Climate change finally fucked us
They said that it would
The water’s run out, the air’s never been good
Most are dying while the rest of us hunt
It’s armageddon and my leg is a stump
Everything we love is dead, and we ‘ant ate for a month
But haven’t left each other’s side cos we’re forever in love
And if the final days come and they definitely could
Just remember you were the best of the bunch
And at least I had you…
The world is fucked, at least I’ve got you
The system depends on your income
Your income depends on your wisdom
Your wisdom depends on a kid’s Mum
Kid’s Dad or a kid’s guardian
To work hard enough to provide the smarts in them
To develop enough to give the chance that they need
Without this privilege their chances are lean
And yet, people are born who have more and we just brand them “elite”
And let them ransack the planet, give them palaces, please, it’s called greed
When you’ve taken more than you need (that’s greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (that greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for (greed)
When you’ve taken more than you need (that’s greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (that greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for
“Success” as you call it, a touch less in your wallet
Could get the impoverished some steps to a mortgage
Bank debts get abolished we get to absorb it
Tax breaks for the frauds and back breaks the defrauded
Upset with the way the world is run? You should be
The top level revels in us grafting after duck feed
Clap for carers when they literally saved the country
And vote against them getting a fair wage this country loves greed
When you’ve taken more than you need (that’s greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (that greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for (greed)
When you’ve taken more than you need (that’s greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for
Adding more zeroes, buying up the competition
Pricing out the market, saying you’ve got a vision
Appealing to the right wing, paying off politicians
They’re turning a blind eye, now there’s no opposition
They change accounts so everything’s a saving now
In fact the tax evaded’s an insane amount
No contributions to the country, company’s safe and sound
If there’s a crisis like a virus they make us bail ‘em out
Man that’s greed!
When you’ve taken more than you need (that’s greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (that greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for (greed)
When you’ve taken more than you need (that’s greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for
Convenience culture, they keep feeding us bullshit
We make these billionaires and then treat ‘em like sultans
“Oh but don’t insult ‘em, they’re an example to all of us
If we work hard we can make the planet a ball of dust”
Of course we could, we’re pretty much there, climate has changed
Look again in a few years, you will find it’s the same
Species dying in waves cos we want to buy it today
So get your Prime delivery in time for the end of days
Thanks to greed
When you’ve taken more than you need (greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for (greed)
When you’ve taken more than you need (greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for
Capitalism, they got us trapped in a system
We could vote our way out but they’ve mastered division
Got you hating your neighbour, but loving master’s decision
Got you feeling lonely when you’ve a valid opinion
The right wing succeeds cos it’s fast and efficient
While the left are arguing over what fascism isn’t
Meanwhile we’re working so hard we barely have an existence
And given the chance to change there’s a massive indifference towards greed
When you’ve taken more than you need (that’s greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (that greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for (greed)
When you’ve taken more than you need (that’s greed)
And when others come you don’t leave that’s (greed)
You’ve got more than you’ll ever see (greed)
Keeps you at it cos you’re just an addict for greed
Nobody’s more equal than you
Nobody’s worth more to more people than you
If the whole world won’t ever see what you do
Then it’s easy for you to always feel like you do and
Nobody’s more equal than me
Nobody’s worth more to more people than me
If the whole world won’t ever see what I’ve been through
It’s easy for me to lose my lean self esteem too
How’s your mental health? Mine’s a mess as well
Are you hoping to wing it or are you getting help?
How are your friends doing? You can never tell
The one who smiles the most could be the next that fell
I’ve had some friends that felt: life had got too much
And two took their life, they lost their fight because
The darkness of self-hatred overtook the light of love
Sometimes I have to thank the universe and skies above
Cos if Ange hadn’t been around when the times were tough
I might have just done something that I would judge
As extremely irrational and a waste of a chance
To observe the universe and the greatness it has
Cos it’s a miracle, we simply shouldn’t be here
And we’re making sure we won’t be in a hundred-ish years
But despite conservatives and your perceived worthlessness
If you’re suicidal, please try to see alternatives cos
Nobody’s more equal than you
Nobody’s worth more to more people than you
If the whole world won’t ever see what you do
Then it’s easy for you to always feel like you do and
Nobody’s more equal than me
Nobody’s worth more to more people than me
If the whole world won’t ever see what I’ve been through
It’s easy for me to lose my lean self esteem too
I went through my worst time when my Dad was declining
Took me ages to realise my mind wan’t surviving
The people closest to me were kinda advising
That I should speak to someone so, fine, I got dialling
Got the NHS on the phone, the person who took the call
Was incredible, the first who I told it all
And I bawled my eyes out, they seemed really concerned
And took my details so I could then be referred
So I felt better for doing it, but the problem is
That was just the tip of an iceberg of a lot of shit
And the NHS is stretched, and didn’t reach out for months
By which time I had worked through most of the stuff
I turned up to the appointment – we agreed there wasn’t reason
To get into the details since I was feeling decent
But those months they couldn’t fit me in were shitty in my brain
And I understand how some people just want to end the pain man
Nobody’s more equal than you
Nobody’s worth more to more people than you
If the whole world won’t ever see what you do
Then it’s easy for you to always feel like you do and
Nobody’s more equal than me
Nobody’s worth more to more people than me
If the whole world won’t ever see what I’ve been through
It’s easy for me to lose my lean self esteem too
Some see me as confident and full of the joys of spring
Other times as moody and I’ve never got a grin
Usually depends on if I’ve let the noises in
The voices speaking negatives are often poisoning
Sometimes it’s as simple as having a joint and gin
Chatting to the missus to express the pointless thing
That’s got me wound up, I’ve found love has always saved my skin
Build barriers from my madness but they get destroyed again
Everything can be fine…except in my mind
I can’t control it or solve it, and then there were times
When it has led to me lying in a bed before night
Hoping to wake the other side and I’ve slept through the shite
But there’s no guarantees, we’re advanced chimpanzees
Monkey brain trying to keep us safe, but always chatting breeze
Go find some trees, sky or sea, try to not dwell
The bastards’ll grind you down so be kind to yourself man
Nobody’s more equal than you
Nobody’s worth more to more people than you
If the whole world won’t ever see what you do
Then it’s easy for you to always feel like you do and
Nobody’s more equal than me
Nobody’s worth more to more people than me
If the whole world won’t ever see what I’ve been through
It’s easy for me to lose my lean self esteem too
I never watched Band of Brothers. Will I? I’m not sure
Never been a big fan of watching guys at war
Watched all of Breaking Bad, some of it’s ace
But overall, not really as good as they say
In fact, Better Call Saul is superior
But tell that to most Breaking Bad fans and they aren’t hearing you
Nothing wrong with a good plot, whether it’s slow or not
And most characters in Breaking Bad I wanted to be shot
Chernobyl was sick as hell, felt as much doc as drama
There is an episode though where dogs are the
Subject of a kinda genocide, though it was done well
And that first episode’s the perfect vision of hell
And of course, The Wire was undeniably dope
And Method Man can act like a motherchuffer ya know!
It was proper well written and acted
But I’ve only watched it through once so maybe I wasn’t that impacted
Game of Thrones, where to start: they were changing the game
Hated how the book readers on Facebook gave it away
As far as rewarding rewatching, some classic examples
But back half of the last series just an absolute shambles
Rick and Morty is untouchable, that shit is sick
But I’ve kept my head down about it since the hype of Pickle Rick
“It’s just for clever people” you sound like a friggin’ dick
Pretentious watchers of it, proper love-a-gimmick pricks
Sopranos, is outstanding TV
Not many better than Tony played by Gandolfini
On my third watch of that, loved by mates and friends
It’s controversial but I didn’t even hate the end
Saw True Detective…awesome I reckon
Just watched the first and third, I was warned off the second
Vince Vaughan was detective? I’ll probably never see it still
Early Fargo was as good or better than the film
Stranger Things was sick, good atmosphere
I hate watching kids act, but they smashed it here
Arrested Development is fun but completely off its head
We tend to smoke and watch telly, often couldn’t catch the thread
Seinfeld is mine and the missus’ jam ya know
Proper pick-you-up-when-you-feel-down antidote
The pilot episode isn’t worth bothering with
But after that, as far as sitcoms, it’s on top of my list
Black Mirror was mostly sick, Charlie Brooker’s off his nut
The later stuff, family life seemed to soften him up
The first episodes he did were so harrowing
And became true to a point where he’s found it quote “embarrassing”
I never saw Twin Peaks, this is a reminder to do so
We tried Narcos, didn’t keep our attention too close
To be fair, we eat and watch so subtitle’s a bitch
But that didn’t stop us absolutely loving The Bridge
This isn’t meant to be genderist, I mean no offence
But Peaky Blinders is just a period drama for men
The beginning’s good, Sam Neill’s baddie was the best sort
But by the end, it felt like they were flogging a dead horse
Fawlty Towers was basically genius
Though the recent language scrutiny’s not meaningless
It’s Always Sunny…I try to watch it and I’m planning to
It’s well written, I just hate every bloody character
House of Cards is a tricky one now we know what we know
Erm, it was a pretty incredible show
Spacey’s despicable, how he acted that so well’s a mystery
That last Robin Wright series needs erasing from history
I’m a big fan of Curb though it took me a while
There’s a lot of arguments in it, shot in the same style
Once you get past that it’s very rewarding
Especially for Seinfeld fans when it’s got Jerry and George in
Shame the Simpsons only did 11 seasons
(But Dad) – it only did 11 seasons
Fleabag deserves the hype, Westworld is tight
The Thick Of It is the best satire I’ve seen in my life
It was nice to see Hugh Laurie in House MD
But it’s so tediously predictable by season three
I’m not a royalist, I’d happily tear it all down
But I very much enjoyed watching all of The Crown
Dave and Atlanta had a similar vibe
Both about rap, for me a lot of familiar sights
Donald Glover’s writing is dope
So Atlanta probably pips it if I had to choose between ‘em both
Blackadders are all great, Line of Duty is ace
Dexter is crap, why is that summat that people rate?
Mindhunter’s worth a watch, Gangs of London’s pretty bland
Father Ted was amazing, what happened to Linehan?
I’m trying to think of some crap ones to finish this off
There’s so many of them thankfully I’ve forgot
If a panel show has Lee Mack, we always try to watch it
But Not Going Out…is dogshit
To be fair BBC haven’t done a good sitcom in time
And Channel 4 need to step up cos Derry Girls is shite
Leave your brain at home for Big Bang and it’s ok
It’s highly rated, but I hated The Good Place
Handmaid’s Tale is great but heavy, we get the picture
Can’t believe I watched a full series of The Witcher
Played the game and loved it but the show was lacking
It was either overcomplex plot or someone was shagging
These days there’s so much attention paid to the visualising
I’m more interested in acting and writing than just violence
I’ve missed some but please let me know your good findings
But don’t get in touch if you watch Love Island
Been married since 2012
So if you’re having girl problems then I’m happy to help
You need to stop being a selfish dickhead
Start considering that other people have feelings instead
Not least the girl you’re spending your time with
If you’re not a kind person you deserve to find shit
Your missus is not the ball and chain
If you find her nagging annoying then you’re the pain
Do something that needs doing without being told
And you might find your happiness increases twofold
And heavens above, this is said, never enough
If you’re a jealous person you’re not ready for love
It’s ok to need time just for you
But if you make plans and break them and substitute
Some other activity that doesn’t involve her
You’ll find those warm hugs you get, getting colder
Went from breaks up to great love all by myself
So if you’re having girl problems then I’m happy to help. What?
I friggin’ manage it well
If you’re having girl problems then I’m happy to help
Monogamy’s for professionals you amateurs melt
So if you’re having girl problems then I’m happy to help
Haven’t been in the dating game since 2008
I can’t say any choice I made before that was great
Single life is difficult, deffo no picnic
But what the fuck are you trying to achieve with a dick pic?!
Rappers are deffo the worst
Chatting promiscuity on an un-necessary verse
It’s generally dirge
I’ve met enough rappers, most converse awkwardly
Gonna make moves when you can’t talk normally?
She might be fooled by that bad boy crap for a bit
But anyone that hangs around too long is prolly a dick
You’re trying to find a diamond and you’re shovelling dirt
But with a spoon for a shovel and not putting in work
Most can see what you’re worth – what do you offer?
A dole dosser who writes poems – you know you’re a tosser
You can be worth summat and have nowt, that is achievable
But if you’re having girl problems have you tried being agreeable?
I friggin’ manage it well
If you’re having girl problems then I’m happy to help
Monogamy’s for professionals, you’ll damage yourself
So if you’re having girl problems then I’m happy to help
“Ooo monagamy’s an outdated concept
We should be free to explore as long as there’s consent”
Well that’s all fine, depending on the context
But once you’ve had your summer of love, then what’s next?
Who do you trust? Who’s got your back? How is your life?
Everybody’s got a team and now you’re on the outside?
There has to be physical attraction I get that
But you gotta see her with no make up, with flu and in sweat pants
And think you’re the luckiest guy on planet earth
If you haven’t felt that feeling yet, man it can occur
Loyalty and trust are superb, and that’s your word
There’s nothing better than knowing there’s nothing you haven’t heard
So give honesty a go, and empathy a chance
It’s mostly instinct that wants you emptying your pants
(Whose world is this?)
It’s meant to be a man’s
But it’d be nothing if I’d never been with Ange
I friggin’ finished it great
If you’re having girl problems there’s some tips you can take
Monogamy’s for professionals, we’re killing it off
If you’re having girl problems well that’s shit cos I’m not
Now I don’t like seeing when people’s problems get worse
But there’s nowt tastier than seeing them get what they deserve
Good folks get trampled on, it often occurs
Go to school, what did you learn, were you a jock or a nerd?
Cos people are pretty heartless and what is absurd
The worst ones work their way to the top of the earth
Stepping on good people, don’t care what they prefer
So when karma catches up nourishment is served and it’s
D to the E to the L to the I to the C to the I to the O-U-S
Now there’s plenty of crap that went down during C19
Particularly public funding contracts for PPE
All the tories were at it, giving money for free
To friends, family and colleagues, not the people in need
Will the health secretary do it? Course he will
Some guy who never made medical supplies got fourty mill
Hancock carried on, told us to be cautious still
And then lost his job cos he was caught on film and it was
D to the E to the L to the I to the C to the I to the O-U-S
In the 14-15 season, Chelsea were unbeaten at home
Managed by Mourinho back when he had the throne
They drew my team in the cup, which is decent yaknow
Good pay day, even if you get beaten and owned
Drogba & Mo Salah, are you having a larf?
We were 2-0 down, 2-1 at the half
And then Morais, Halliday and Yeates took ‘em apart
And Bradford beat them 4-2, the taste I’d regard as
D to the E to the L to the I to the C to the I to the O-U-S
There was an orange faced twat who used to run the US
Was running for a second term despite nothing but mess
Had people doing his bidding and you could have just guessed
Enough people would not vote to ensure his success
But thankfully, enough understood what was best
And while no choice is perfect, some are much less
We got to watch his empire crumble to shreds
Four Seasons Landscaping conference just for the press was
D to the E to the L to the I to the C to the I to the O-U-S
I was a carnivore for 35 years of my life
Cos tradition is meat with meat and some meat on the side
After I came to terms with what creature had died
I ate less but still cheated if we’d eat on a night
I owe my decision to quit meat to my wife
Who stood by my side and didn’t even have gripes
Needed a dead animal’s body for what I eat to be nice?
Other than vegan cheese man, every meal I have’s liiike
D to the E to the L to the I to the C to the I to the O-U-S
Couldn’t meet more of them if I tried to on a daily
Right now it’s mainly the ones who also pay me
Do my best for a customer they still act like a baby
Got me thinking I should even sack it in lately
Who could be bothered with the problems they’ve got?
They bought my product and my service offered is top
But then the courier delivering are offering squat
Never mind the manufacturer whose quality dropped
And I won’t profit from selling you summat that’s not how you want
And I’m running round trying to get something else dropped
Off to your property and promptly cos I know it’s no good
All you gotta do is stay cool and not be a
Contradictory, passive aggressive, emailing type of dude
Keyboard warrior piling anxiety on too
Or ring you 7 times a day to get a progress update
Look mate
We’ve established there’s been a problem, f**k’s sake
The world seems to be full of ’em
Through life and work they’re stumbling
Don’t start me on the government
Cos right now everyone acts a
Country seems that it’s full up with ’em
From Lincoln round to Cumberland
Common sense seems too much for them
Cos right now everyone’s being a
Continual pain in the arse and it’s worsening
Every person taking part in a work tournament
No-one’s learning that we weren’t to win it’s a certain and
The people who come off better out of it didn’t earn a thing
We’re led by donkeys, also that’s costing me
British seem obsessed with respecting an aristocracy
Like we aren’t born equal there are people better
And they’ll always be above you even if you never let them
And that isn’t fair, what you’re saying is if I’m an heir
To a massive fortune and some land, I can’t be compared
Access to the circles of wealth – well that’ll certainly help
I can afford people who assure me of health
I can afford education, that’ll sure do me well
A family friend got me a job? Man that’s awesome as hell
Tax avoidance schemes? Don’t mind if I do
Don’t want Grandad’s nest egg getting anywhere near you
Considering…
The world seems to be full of me
Silver spoon right in front of me
Plenty of us run the country
Cos right now everyone acts a
Country seems that it’s full up with ’em
From London up to Sunderland
Common sense seems too much for them
Cos right now everyone’s being a
Conspiracy theorist completely void of humour
Or a follower of orders, a complete consumer
It’s good to ask questions, it’s fine to tow the line
Gotta get the balance right and know when those in charge are lying
Granted, it’s most of the time, it’s all about populism
Say that you did something even if you did or didn’t
If you’re winning in the popular stakes
Then you will not be a fake, the media will even prop you up mate
Just keep the wheels greased, and the richest satisfied
And you’ll never have to tell the truth, they won’t bat an eye
At a massive lie, they can even prove it in court
And you’ll stay in power regardless cos you are the law
But God forbid you get on the wrong side of the media
You’ll never see a decline speedier, see how they’re treating ya?
Contort their contagious content, and show a front
Know a potential politician? You know I couldn’t
The world seems to be full of ’em
Through life and work they’re bumbling
Most of them in the government
Cos right now everyone acts a
Country seems that it’s full up with ’em
In pubs or just my customers
Common sense seems too much for them
Cos right now everyone’s being a
…Content provider for the tabloids
…Contract negotiator for Premier League footballers
…Conservative politician
You get the idea